


i wake up and you're still dead

by SydneyHorses



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, mild body horror, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:28:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23995285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SydneyHorses/pseuds/SydneyHorses
Summary: Sylvain dreams an infinite field and a boy with a mouth full of blood. Luckily, Felix is there to help.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 8
Kudos: 109





	i wake up and you're still dead

**Author's Note:**

> i was in a godawful mood earlier today and i wrote some sylvix hurt/comfort to make myself feel better! tw for minor eye horror in the beginning, as well as like. blood coming out of people's mouths. i was upset about finals when i wrote that part.
> 
> title from richard siken because i love being predictable and gay. anyways i hope you enjoy!

It’s always Felix. Sylvain knows this, lives by it. It’s no different this time: Felix, standing across from him in a wheat field that stretches forever in all directions. The wheat is golden and perfect, the kind of harvest that Faerghus tells tales of. Felix doesn’t cast a shadow, but he smiles at Sylvain when he sees him approaching. The sun shines down on them both and tinges the whole field yellow, as if every other color has been considered and found wanting.

Felix’s eyes are pieces of amber, taken from nature and stuck directly in his eye sockets. Sylvain grows closer, stopping just in front of Felix. His eyes are so bright, brighter even than the sun. There are no pupils in them, and Felix’s gaze when he looks at Sylvain is devoid of all emotion. 

That’s of no concern. Sylvain’s never cared if love hurts him.

There’s blood smeared high on one of Felix’s cheekbones, the only spot of red in the whole world. Sylvain wants to reach out and wipe it off. He wants to take Felix’s head in his hands and kiss the worry from it.

Instead, he tightens his grip on the Lance of Ruin and thrusts it into Felix’s chest. Felix’s soft smile evaporates, and he falls to his knees before Sylvain. His eyes, pupil-less and lacking any expression at all, meet Sylvain’s.

Felix’s blood seeps into the soil, staining the world around them. The wheat, so perfect only moments before, turns red, until Sylvain is standing above Felix surrounded by a harvest the color of blood.

The crest stone in the Lance of Ruin glows crimson, and Sylvain lets go of it with a gasp. He drops to his knees beside Felix to reach or him, but his hands are useless, weighed down by Felix’s blood. He tries to speak, to apologize or say Felix’s name or both in the same breath, but nothing comes out. There’s no sound at all, nothing but red. 

Felix lifts his head, and his eyes are black and empty, yawning masses. He opens his mouth and blood pours from it like a river, poisoning the world. There’s no life to be found in Felix anymore, and Sylvain recoils backwards in shock. He falls onto his back, looking up at an empty sky.

Felix rises to his feet, the lance still embedded in his chest. He sways slightly, blood still pouring from his mouth. Sylvain looks up at him, silhouetted against a scarlet sky. Felix yanks the Lance of Ruin out of his chest and laughs. Sylvain tries to stand, but the ground around him turns to blood, clinging to his body and pulling him under.

Felix raises the Lance of Ruin, levelling the tip at Sylvain. Miklan’s eyes look down at him, and Felix smiles. He thrusts the lance into Sylvain’s chest, and it feels something like penance.

Sylvain wakes with a jolt, his chest heaving. There’s no field, no blood red sky and nothing for him to drown in. He touches a hand to his chest, feeling for a wound that’s not there. His head pounds in time to his heartbeat, and try as he might, he can’t catch his breath.

Next to him, Felix remains sound asleep, his hair an ink spill on the pillows.

Sylvain looks down at him and thinks about Miklan’s eyes in Felix’s head and blood pouring from his mouth.

He shudders and shakes Felix’s shoulder before he can stop himself. Felix makes a soft grumbling noise and Sylvain’s grip on his arm tightens. He needs Felix to wake up. He needs Felix to be alive.

Felix’s eyes open, honey-colored and irritated, always irritated. The knot in Sylvain’s chest loosens. Felix sits up and yanks his arm out of Sylvain’s grasp. “You’re hurting me,” he snaps.

“Sorry,” Sylvain says, but he’s bringing his hands up to rest on the sides of Felix’s face even as he does so. He smooths a thumb over the spot on Felix’s cheek where there’d been a splash of blood. His finger comes away untouched, and Sylvain exhales. He presses his forehead against Felix’s. “It was just a dream.”

“Sylvain?” Felix’s voice is soft, the last vestiges of sleep forgotten.

“It was a dream,” Sylvain repeats, slightly nonsensically. He’s shaking, he thinks. He can’t tell.

“It was a dream,” Felix repeats, his voice sharp and firm. There’s no mocking edge to his voice, and his speech isn’t garbled by blood.

Sylvain drops his hands to his sides and curls his fingers into the sheets. He pulls away from Felix to look at him, to confirm that there’s no wound in his chest or deadness to his eyes. “Look at me,” he begs. “Please, Fe, look at me.”

Despite his hatred of eye contact, Felix’s eyes meet Sylvain’s. That, more than anything else, convinces Sylvain that he’s alive: he knows Felix loves him more than that which he hates. His shoulders drop, and his grip on the bedsheets loosens a little.

“I’m me,” Felix says. “No one else.”

“Yeah,” Sylvain says. “Yeah.”

Felix bites his lip, breaking the eye contact to look down at where Sylvain’s hands are twisted into the sheets. “Sylvain,” he says. It sounds like a promise. It sounds like the future.

Sylvain shudders and climbs into Felix’s lap, hugging Felix close to him. If he holds on tight enough, maybe it’ll be enough. Felix wraps his arms around him, one of his hands stroking down his back. Sylvain drops his head into Felix’s neck, pressing his face into the soft skin there. This is Felix, he’s alive, and he’s still breathing. Sylvain isn’t going to be the death of him.

“What happened?” Felix’s voice is as gentle as it can be. To most people, the words would still be coated in barbed wire, but they relax Sylvain more than anything else could have.

“Just a nightmare,” Sylvain says into Felix’s neck. He kisses him there, just to prove to himself that he’s capable of an act of kindness. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I’ll worry as much as I want,” Felix says. “What happened?”

“You were dead,” Sylvain replies. “I killed you.”

“Is that all?” Felix asks. He brings his hand up to tangle in Sylvain’s hair. “You’ve had that dream before.” They both have. Sylvain shakes his head. Felix’s hair strokes gently through his hair, sorting through the mess that is his bedhead.

“You had Miklan’s eyes,” Sylvain says. His brother’s name is ash in his mouth. “You pulled the Lance of Ruin out of your body and killed me.”

“Glad to know even in your dreams we keep our promise,” Felix says dryly. It’s wholly unhelpful, and therefore very Felix. Sylvain laughs. It catches in his throat, and he’s horrified at himself. He sounds like he might cry. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Sylvain whispers into the hollow of Felix’s throat.

Felix sighs and kisses the top of Sylvain’s head. “Come here.” He pulls at his hair, and Sylvain lets Felix lift his head.

He sniffs. He’s not crying, but he thinks he could be. He can still see Felix, falling to his knees and choking on his blood. Standing with voids for eyes and holding the Lance of Ruin. “Sylvain,” Felix leans forward and kisses him on the forehead.

Sylvain closes his eyes. Felix’s hand in his hair is steady and the pressure helps to ground him. Felix kisses his left cheek, then his right, and when Sylvain can’t help but let a smile creep onto his face, Felix presses their lips together. Sylvain sighs and relaxes his hold on Felix a little, letting Felix say with his touch what he can’t say with his words.

When Felix breaks their kiss, Sylvain’s body almost feels like his own. He sighs again and opens his eyes. Below him, Felix meets his gaze. His eyes are narrowed slightly and his frown is more pronounced than usual, but it’s him, without a doubt. “Don’t die,” Sylvain says.

Felix surges up to kiss him again, his hand in Sylvain’s hair tightening. Sylvain groans. Felix’s mouth is warm, and the kiss stretches on languid and reassuring. His hand comes up to cup Felix’s jaw of his own volition. Felix deepens the kiss as he does so, nipping at Sylvain’s bottom lip with his teeth.

Sylvain wants, he - he doesn’t know what he wants. He breaks off the kiss. Felix’s eyes are still closed when Sylvain looks down at him, but he opens them after a moment.

“Sylvain?” Felix reaches up with his free hand to pull Sylvain’s hand off his cheek, lacing their fingers together.

Sylvain squeezes his hand. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

Felix wrinkles his nose, “You had a nightmare. You can wake me up for that.”

Sylvain rubs the back of Felix’s hand with his thumb. “Okay,” he says. He still feels off-kilter and uneasy. His hands are still trembling, just barely there, but there nonetheless.

“What?” Felix asks.

Sylvain shakes his head.

“Sylvian,” Felix says, his voice sharp and just a tad annoyed. “What do you want?”

They’ve talked about this. Felix can’t help unless he lets him. There’s no one else in their room but them, and there’s no reason for Sylvain to avoid this. They’ve talked about this.

Still, he can’t bring himself to look at Felix. He wraps himself around Felix once more, pressing his face back into Felix’s neck. Felix always smells a little like sword polish, his own special brand of perfume.

“Sylvain,” Felix says. His hand strokes with a measured carefulness through his hair. “Tell me.” A pause. “I’m not. Mad at you.”

“Hold me?” Sylvain asks. His voice cracks as he does so, and he winces at the sound. No one’s going to want to stick around if he’s this pitiful.

“Sure,” Felix says, like it’s nothing.

He lays down, pulling Sylvain with him so that he’s mostly on top of him. Sylvain scoots down the bed, ignoring Felix’s wince of pain when he elbows him in the stomach. He ends up with his head resing on Felix’s chest, listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat and letting it lull him into a sense of calm. If this were one of his nightmares, there wouldn’t be anything in Felix’s chest. Felix arm around him is warm and heavy, and his hand strokes through Sylvain’s hair almost absentmindedly. It’s domestic and peaceful. In that moment it even manages to feel better than making out with Felix. Disgusting, how soft he’s become.

“Better?”

“Yeah,” Sylvain says, curling his fingers into Felix’s shirt. He thinks he could fall back asleep like this, warm and tangled up in Felix. There are no fields of gold and infinite skies, and no boys with eyes cut from gemstones. Intead, there’s the sound of Felix’s breathing and the rise and fall of his chest. “Thanks.”

Felix’s hand in his hair stills. “Of course.” There’s a long pause where there are no sounds in the room except for their breathing. It’s just after dawn, and Sylvain can see a crack of sunlight through the gap in their curtains. “Sylvain,” he says hesitantly.

“Hmm?”

Felix sighs and goes back to playing with Sylvain’s hair. “I,” he pauses. Sighs. “I love you. You… know that, right?”

Sylvain’s chest tightens. He closes his eyes and measures his breaths against the sound of Felix’s heartbeat. “Yeah. I love you too.”

“Good,” Felix says. His hand traces shapes on Sylvain’s back, speaking a language that neither of them speak but they both understand.

The affection settles over him like a blanket. Neither of them manage to fall back asleep, but they languish in bed long after the morning is over, and that seems better than anything else.

**Author's Note:**

> stan edelgard and come talk to me abt sylvix on tumblr at edelgardlesbians and on twitter @edelgardlesbians


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